4th of July.

4^th of July… in the past this has been a huge holiday for my family. My Grandpa served in the army during 3 different wars, he was career military, my uncle was in the service, and I guess you could just say we are a pretty patriotic family.

We have always loved spending the 4^th of July at my Grandparent’s house in El Paso. In 1998, we had an extraordinarily wonderful time. EVERYONE on my mom’s side of the family came to El Paso. We played volleyball, spent every afternoon swimming, had a dunking booth, ate a LOT of great Mexican food, made homemade ice cream, and of course we watched the fireworks from the front driveway.

2 years later, my cousin Mandy passed away. On the 4^th of July.

It was an incredibly hard time for our family. She was only 21 years old and was a fun, loving, amazing woman of God. Since then, I cannot remember a time when we weren’t in El Paso for the 4^th of July. We all wanted to be together on that day, as it was turned from a fun day of celebration, to a day that would always remind us of when our granddaughter/daughter/niece/sister/cousin was taken from us.

Being with family on this day was the only way to get through it.

My Grandpa passed away in 2002 and that was another tough time, but we kept going to stay at my Grandma’s each 4^th of July.

In May of 2009, a week before I graduated from high school, my Grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It was a complete shock since she was in such wonderful health. She missed my graduation along with my 2 aunts who ended up staying with her that weekend to get her through her first round of chemo. As I sat at graduation I could not even enjoy this exciting accomplishment that most people remember for the rest of their life. I don’t remember anything that was said by any of the speakers. I don’t remember who I sat next to. I don’t remember who handed me my diploma. Thinking about it while writing this, it even took me a while to remember what I did afterwards with all of my friends. My entire graduation night is a complete blur. The only thing I remember about graduation is sitting in my chair focused only on holding myself together and not bursting into tears in the middle of the ceremony.

July 4, 2009 – The last 4^th of July we would spend at Grandma’s house.

Everyone came to El Paso and we had a blast. Like I mentioned, it is always bittersweet because we get to enjoy having the entire family together, but we never forget the 4^th of July in 2000 when Mandy died.

November 3, 2009 – My grandma passed away and that was quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever been through. Some people understand families who are unbelievably close, and others just don’t. My family is one of those families who are unbelievably close.

It’s been 8 months and it hasn’t gotten much easier. Especially since her house just sold and we had to move everything out this past week. This house has been in our family for almost 50 years and it was Grandma’s house… that’s where we grew up… that’s where so many of our family memories were made…there’s just not much more that can be said about it.

My mom and I spent a few days in El Paso last week and we went with my aunt to move the last bit of stuff out of my Grandma’s house. I can’t even explain how hard that was. That weekend was the 4^th of July. The first 4^th of July we haven’t spent in El Paso at Grandma’s house in 10 years. It also happened to be the 10-year anniversary of Mandy’s passing. Needless to say, this past week and weekend was extremely tough.

I’m not sure why I just wrote all of that. I think maybe just to say that I love my family more than anything and even through these hard times, I know we hold each other together. They mean the world to me.

Don’t take your family for granted. You never know how long you have with them. Tell them how much they mean to you. Love them with unconditional, unlimited love.

-SG